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Couples Therapy
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In most of our lives there are few arenas with the potential for as much reward -- or as much anguish --  as the intimate relationships we develop with those who are our “significant others.”  Love (infatuation, lust, fascinations, etc.) seems to come so easily to some of us (and with great difficulty, to be sure, to others) but that does not ensure a pleasurable, comfortable relationship as in movies or TV.

John Gottman, one of the nation's foremost researchers and clinicians on what elements make for “good” or “bad” relationships, states that most troubled relationships end up in the therapist's office about seven years after they should have.  People are, by that time, in real torment.  Often at least one of them is just looking for a way out.  It’s all very sad because in recent years much has actually been learned about what works and what doesn't and how couples can make things better if they really want to do so.

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When a couple (gay or straight) comes to me for relationship counseling, I do not take the stance that the relationship MUST be saved.  Rather, my goal is to help people see what is possible, given the situation and the history, and explore what they actually want to do.  I do seek to help them reduce any conflict or enliven areas of deadness so that good decisions can be made.  If the relationship can be rekindled or grown, then that is what we seek to do.  If not, then other decisions have to be made.

Many of those I see have already decided to separate or divorce, or are in the midst of painful, angry, hurtful separation processes.  Whether individually or as a couple, I help them reduce the unnecessary hurt and find ways to respect what they have had together.  If there are children, the goal becomes learning ways to co-parent that will be beneficial both to their children and to the relationship their children require that they continue to have.

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